Predictable

The radio announcer sat in front of a microphone every day, and read the predictions of an anonymous astrologer for the benefit of an unseen audience.  It was his job to name the month and the ancient sky symbol that represented it, and then read a short statement on what the person born under its influence could expect for the day. The elliptical orbits of planets were not ignored, and the movement of invisible but tangible ethers were seriously considered.

The heavenly movements allegedly affect humans in a variety of colourful afflictions, calculated to leave each individual in an enlightened state of superstitious anticipation.  On a certain day, is it safe to spend money, to make decisions, or to love?  Is it safe, even, to get out of bed?

The announcer, who dutifully read these predictions every day, wondered if people were taking them too seriously. Suppose, for example, Virgo were to actually heed today's reading, which stated; "A dark phase makes love dangerous.  Avoid affectionate situations."  What if Virgo refused to kiss her husband goodbye as he left for work?  He might think that their marriage was over, and start an affair with his secretary. He might not come back home. Virgo would go on welfare, and sit at home, smoking and listening to the radio all day.
Well, the announcer thought, that was an extreme case.  Only an unbalanced person would take a horoscope so seriously.

Nevertheless, the announcer worried about the negative predictions he was reading.  So he changed Virgo’s reading to; “The conjunction of heavenly bodies makes every moment happy today.  Shower your loved ones with love.”

Of course, after making Virgo happy, he had to do the same for the remaining eleven months.  Just as well, for some of them were in a particularly wretched ‘phase.’  He read all the ‘improved’ predictions, and felt good, imagining all the happy people kissing their spouses, looking forward to their rosy, cloudless days.

After a while, the announcer did not bother looking at the astrological forecasts at all.  He just invented sunny phrases to go with each birth sign.

The announcer became famous for his positive outlook on life.  Thousands of people tuned in to his program to hear his cheerful evaluations of the day ahead.  Many listeners secretly wished that he would take over the weather and the evening news as well.

Eventually, the announcer was able to condense his predictions into one memorable phrase.  Anyone listening to the radio, at a certain time every day, heard him make his prediction in a tirelessly optimistic singsong:

“It’s going to be a great day!”